If you ever check into my little corner of the world you'll have noticed I've been silent for over a month. Chet is certainly tired of seeing "Mom Confessions" and has given up looking for updates. Although, he knew that we were on vacation for three weeks of that time (not something I wanted to publicly advertise) so probably expected it and understood.
I had planned to do a series of posts from that trip for my family so that I could connect with all of them after our long absence. However, they connected with me instead!
I "celebrated" my birthday on the 15th in Havre, Montana. It was not intentional. We were stranded there while waiting for our van to be repaired (I hit a deer--actually, I completely destroyed a deer and he destroyed the front end of our van and everything under the hood that holds fluid of any kind). So, Havre it was.
It wasn't too bad. I had an air conditioned hotel room, a pool, a putt-putt golf game (which I won), a huge Dairy Queen Snickers Ice Cream cake compliments of David and Dana who called it in for me, and many phone calls and birthday messages.
We finally made it home on Wednesday the 20th and moved on with life. By this past Saturday my birthday was a very distant memory. Keith and I went out shopping in the morning while the children did the general housecleaning. I walked into the kitchen with my bags to see the counters cleaned off and Troy putting away clean dishes.
I exclaimed how great the kitchen looked--I'd begun cleaning out the refrigerator after our absence and had dishes to clean out and wash sitting on the counter. He responded, "Yeah, well you should see your room." I was perplexed, I had left my room clean and the bed made and I told him so. "Well, you should go look at it," was all he said.
Immediately I groaned, "Gabe!" Keith and I headed down to inspect the damage. As I opened the door I was saying something like 'oh boy, what did he do' when I was greeted with a thundering, "SURPRISE!"
Packed in my room were my 5 married children, their spouses, and 2 grandchildren (2 were sleeping elsewhere). Coming down the stairs behind me and joining us in the room were my younger children (minus Shane who came later after a basketball event). We spent the next few minutes hugging, crying (OK, so I was probably the only one crying), laughing, explaining, and hearing the details of the events leading up to the surprise.
They pulled it off wonderfully. I had no idea they were in my room or were planning anything like that. On my way down to the room I stopped by our extra refrigerator to put away the milk and found three cheesecakes. I was confused and wondered how they got there but I didn't connect it to the "mess" in my room. I only thought Keith/Coley or Dana/David had needed some extra refrigerator space and had left their cheesecakes there--thinking it might be possible that they would be coming over in the evening (I had actually texted them to invite them over for a cook out) but not thinking it was a surprise.
The entire day was spent enjoying my family. They had the food all taken care of, they brought outdoor games, and they did all the clean up! I had one final surprise when I was blindfolded, led outside, picked up (nice to have big, strong sons), and placed in a hammock (like I need another gift!). It was a fabulous, amazing, tremendous, wonderful day. And I didn't take one single picture. I didn't want to miss a second of enjoying the day by being behind a camera. The memories will just remain in my heart.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Mom Confessions
A quarter of a century ago seems like, well..., a quarter of a century ago. Back then I didn't think too much about our rapidly growing family. Everyone around me was amazed and shook heads in disbelief as every year or two our family photo grew by one.
We didn't see it that way. We shrugged, or laughed, and just carried on, enjoying every minute (OK, maybe not EVERY minute), but in the general scheme of things we were pretty blissful about the whole arrangement. We loved raising our family!
What I didn't think about was the sudden explosion of life that would take place a decade or two down the road. It started with the teen years and the inevitable shift in hormonal balance and one thing led to another and here we are. In a matter of fewer than five years we have added five in-laws, four grandchildren, are expecting three more, have three teens at home, and still have three more up and coming.
It's not that I didn't consider the possibilities of family growth. But it's more than just that, SO much more! It's meshing the numerical growth with the individual growth and journey of each child finding their own way, understanding who they are apart from family, challenging or accepting not just who they are but who WE are, and then, in the midst of this ideologically challenging soup, leaving and cleaving to their new life mate, while a half a dozen others are in various stages of the same process--it all leaves a mama feeling whooped.
On any given day I can be the best mom ever, the worst mom ever, the most understanding, the least understanding, the greatest blessing, the biggest curse, the most desired, the least wanted, the smartest, or the most clueless.
I never set out to prove that I was going to be the world's best mom and show everyone how it was done. I didn't dream of writing "How to" parenting books or giving lectures while holding up my perfect posterity as examples of my authority. And now that I have a few years and stories under my belt I shy away even more from questions of "What did you..?"
I just wanted to stay home and be a mom. On the whole, I didn't bargain for the great ocean of emotional upheaval that would come with loving and pouring myself out for my children. There is just no way I could have ever understood the intensity of the heartache (in the good and bad) that is part of this job. I've had times that I looked at my husband and confessed, "It's just not worth it. We don't come close to getting back anywhere near what we put in." I dream about being alone and escaping demands and accusations. I imagine not having to be so responsible and accountable ALL THE TIME. I imagine, being the kid.
And then I think of Jesus. I remember that, with him, I AM the kid. I think of his great love and sacrifice and how little he gets in return for what he's given. I see myself, the kid, through my experienced eyes as the parent. And I'm not too happy with what I see. I see, as the child, the same things in myself that I struggle with in my children, and my heart softens for them. I see, as the parent, Jesus' perfect example for my life--giving for me his perfect love in love and submission to the Father. I'm shamed and humbled, but not into despondency. My sins are covered by his forgiveness, my hard heart is washed in his love, I'm clothed in his righteousness, and I'm renewed in his spirit.
Motherhood IS worth it, but not for childish kisses and sweet secret notes, or for late night conversations or expressions of gratitude. It's worth it because it draws me closer to my Savior and helps me see myself in a different light, as he sees me. It inspires me to be a better child. And through all of that it makes me more content and full of love for what I have as a parent. It also makes me realize that in so very many ways I get back much more than I put in.
We didn't see it that way. We shrugged, or laughed, and just carried on, enjoying every minute (OK, maybe not EVERY minute), but in the general scheme of things we were pretty blissful about the whole arrangement. We loved raising our family!
What I didn't think about was the sudden explosion of life that would take place a decade or two down the road. It started with the teen years and the inevitable shift in hormonal balance and one thing led to another and here we are. In a matter of fewer than five years we have added five in-laws, four grandchildren, are expecting three more, have three teens at home, and still have three more up and coming.
It's not that I didn't consider the possibilities of family growth. But it's more than just that, SO much more! It's meshing the numerical growth with the individual growth and journey of each child finding their own way, understanding who they are apart from family, challenging or accepting not just who they are but who WE are, and then, in the midst of this ideologically challenging soup, leaving and cleaving to their new life mate, while a half a dozen others are in various stages of the same process--it all leaves a mama feeling whooped.
On any given day I can be the best mom ever, the worst mom ever, the most understanding, the least understanding, the greatest blessing, the biggest curse, the most desired, the least wanted, the smartest, or the most clueless.
I never set out to prove that I was going to be the world's best mom and show everyone how it was done. I didn't dream of writing "How to" parenting books or giving lectures while holding up my perfect posterity as examples of my authority. And now that I have a few years and stories under my belt I shy away even more from questions of "What did you..?"
I just wanted to stay home and be a mom. On the whole, I didn't bargain for the great ocean of emotional upheaval that would come with loving and pouring myself out for my children. There is just no way I could have ever understood the intensity of the heartache (in the good and bad) that is part of this job. I've had times that I looked at my husband and confessed, "It's just not worth it. We don't come close to getting back anywhere near what we put in." I dream about being alone and escaping demands and accusations. I imagine not having to be so responsible and accountable ALL THE TIME. I imagine, being the kid.
And then I think of Jesus. I remember that, with him, I AM the kid. I think of his great love and sacrifice and how little he gets in return for what he's given. I see myself, the kid, through my experienced eyes as the parent. And I'm not too happy with what I see. I see, as the child, the same things in myself that I struggle with in my children, and my heart softens for them. I see, as the parent, Jesus' perfect example for my life--giving for me his perfect love in love and submission to the Father. I'm shamed and humbled, but not into despondency. My sins are covered by his forgiveness, my hard heart is washed in his love, I'm clothed in his righteousness, and I'm renewed in his spirit.
Motherhood IS worth it, but not for childish kisses and sweet secret notes, or for late night conversations or expressions of gratitude. It's worth it because it draws me closer to my Savior and helps me see myself in a different light, as he sees me. It inspires me to be a better child. And through all of that it makes me more content and full of love for what I have as a parent. It also makes me realize that in so very many ways I get back much more than I put in.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Not working
Aunt Susie called me on Saturday. This was our conversation:
Susie: What would you think about me going on a memory pill?
Me: You're already taking a memory pill.
Susie: I am? Oh yeah, I forgot.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Troy's Graduation
We officially have more children who have graduated from high school than have not. Troy surprised himself by graduating in the top 10% of his class. Troy was motivated by his desire or need to learn. If a class was interesting or relevant he applied himself (i.e. he dominated the upper math classes but only limped through beginning Spanish). He was not spurred on by GPAs or grade competitiveness. He should do very well at the college level where he can focus on classes in his engineering major. Way to go, Troy!
Lining up to enter the stadium, you can see our very late spring trees still at the end of their bloom.
Receiving his diploma, tenth to the last out of 213.
Switching the tassels.
A perfect sunny, 75 degree day.
A mock interview by the brothers, complete with radio personality mimicry. Shane can do a very impressive Jeremy Mayo!
A group photo of the middle brothers
I took the first photo and Chet said, "OK, take another, I won't stand on my toes." People who don't know his family ask if he's the tallest of his siblings. In many families 6'1" would be the tallest. Not so with us. Shane at 6'5" (for now) is actually the tallest, but Keith at 6'4" often stands the tallest.
Chet has fun playing it up though.
What a handsome couple of guys! As we walked into the stadium one of the students asked Shane, "Hey! Is that your dad?" He acknowledged that he was and the boy replied, "He wears a fedora?! Your dad is the man!" Oh yeah.
Congratulations Troy!
Lining up to enter the stadium, you can see our very late spring trees still at the end of their bloom.
Receiving his diploma, tenth to the last out of 213.
Switching the tassels.
A perfect sunny, 75 degree day.
A mock interview by the brothers, complete with radio personality mimicry. Shane can do a very impressive Jeremy Mayo!
A group photo of the middle brothers
I took the first photo and Chet said, "OK, take another, I won't stand on my toes." People who don't know his family ask if he's the tallest of his siblings. In many families 6'1" would be the tallest. Not so with us. Shane at 6'5" (for now) is actually the tallest, but Keith at 6'4" often stands the tallest.
Chet has fun playing it up though.
What a handsome couple of guys! As we walked into the stadium one of the students asked Shane, "Hey! Is that your dad?" He acknowledged that he was and the boy replied, "He wears a fedora?! Your dad is the man!" Oh yeah.
Congratulations Troy!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Keeping up with Gabe
I spent the afternoon with Gabe yesterday. Just Gabe and me, for three hours. We did things Gabe-style. I had to stop at a grocery store, but even there I let him direct me. We looked at things he liked and walked where he wanted to go.
We toured a garden center because the piles of rocks fascinated Gabe.
We pulled in to an animal wildlife center and walked the grounds. Gabe ran to see the geese and ran to see the burros and ran to see the fish and hopped on the kiddie rides not caring if I didn't insert a quarter.
We went to playground. It was here that I had a vision of Bill Keane's Family Circus. Gabe was Billy and he ran circles around the park. I could just see the dotted lines in my mind's map of Gabe's playground tour.
Gabe climbed up a ladder and went down the slide, he climbed the rock wall, and went down the slide backwards, up the stairs, down the slide on his belly, went to the merry-go-round, the teeter totter, the big swings, the baby swings, the handicapped swings.
He crawled through the play tube, went down the slide on his belly backwards, went to the baby park, rode the fire engine, climbed the structure, ran back to the big park, hung from the glider, went down the slide on his back forward, went down on his back backward, went down on his knees, went down on his feet, and once he even sommersaulted down it.
He ran to the beach and ran up and down the two piers, he climbed over the rock wall, he ran into the tennis court and lapped the two courts, he ran around the sand volleyball pit.
And then he repeated all of the above several times.
Most of the time I ran and followed and offered a completely unnecessary protective hand. The one time I tried to sit for a minute he sprinted to the glider and commandeered a dad to give him a ride.
We left the park with a tired Mama and a very happy Gabe. As we drove down the road Gabe called out, "Want butterflies!" He began to sing, "Old Macdonald had a farm. E-I-E-I-O. And on that farm he had a BUTTERFLY!" (ceasing with the tune and hollering the word 'butterfly').
Since it was a special outing for two, I honored his request. We pulled into McDonalds for 'french fries'.
We toured a garden center because the piles of rocks fascinated Gabe.
We pulled in to an animal wildlife center and walked the grounds. Gabe ran to see the geese and ran to see the burros and ran to see the fish and hopped on the kiddie rides not caring if I didn't insert a quarter.
We went to playground. It was here that I had a vision of Bill Keane's Family Circus. Gabe was Billy and he ran circles around the park. I could just see the dotted lines in my mind's map of Gabe's playground tour.
Gabe climbed up a ladder and went down the slide, he climbed the rock wall, and went down the slide backwards, up the stairs, down the slide on his belly, went to the merry-go-round, the teeter totter, the big swings, the baby swings, the handicapped swings.
He crawled through the play tube, went down the slide on his belly backwards, went to the baby park, rode the fire engine, climbed the structure, ran back to the big park, hung from the glider, went down the slide on his back forward, went down on his back backward, went down on his knees, went down on his feet, and once he even sommersaulted down it.
He ran to the beach and ran up and down the two piers, he climbed over the rock wall, he ran into the tennis court and lapped the two courts, he ran around the sand volleyball pit.
And then he repeated all of the above several times.
Most of the time I ran and followed and offered a completely unnecessary protective hand. The one time I tried to sit for a minute he sprinted to the glider and commandeered a dad to give him a ride.
We left the park with a tired Mama and a very happy Gabe. As we drove down the road Gabe called out, "Want butterflies!" He began to sing, "Old Macdonald had a farm. E-I-E-I-O. And on that farm he had a BUTTERFLY!" (ceasing with the tune and hollering the word 'butterfly').
Since it was a special outing for two, I honored his request. We pulled into McDonalds for 'french fries'.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Learn at your own risk
Bryce posted this warning on the cover of his math notebook.
It says,
It says,
Cursed
Math
Toxic
Warning
Math is very hazerdous to your health!!!
Apparently, so is spelling.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Family Baseball Bash Weekend
As a family grows up, adding spouses and another generation, it gets more and more difficult to get everyone together. You fall into the "holidays, weddings, and funerals" routine. But those are never good times to just relax and be together, having fun, and living normal crazy family moments.
We made the "normal" (which is now everything but normal) happen last weekend. It was opening day for Little League (and no child wants sibling fans more than a Little League player). There was also a high school double header and nothing else on the calendar for the day. Invitations went out and it actually worked out for everyone to come home!
We hired a babysitter to stay with the three toddlers at Keith's house so the adults could reminisce late into the night. We spent our first evening telling baseball stories from the past. I made a baseball memory collage for each player/fan and we passed the photos around to help jog rusty memories. When it comes to sports, and baseball in particular, these people needed no help in jogging memories. They remembered scores, counts on the batter, placements of pitches, fielder errors, opposing players, and everything in between.
Our children represented 18 years of baseball/softball, 60 seasons, and innumerable hours of fan bench time. Here are some of the memory lane highlights.
Little Troy Wanna-be ball player
We made the "normal" (which is now everything but normal) happen last weekend. It was opening day for Little League (and no child wants sibling fans more than a Little League player). There was also a high school double header and nothing else on the calendar for the day. Invitations went out and it actually worked out for everyone to come home!
We hired a babysitter to stay with the three toddlers at Keith's house so the adults could reminisce late into the night. We spent our first evening telling baseball stories from the past. I made a baseball memory collage for each player/fan and we passed the photos around to help jog rusty memories. When it comes to sports, and baseball in particular, these people needed no help in jogging memories. They remembered scores, counts on the batter, placements of pitches, fielder errors, opposing players, and everything in between.
Our children represented 18 years of baseball/softball, 60 seasons, and innumerable hours of fan bench time. Here are some of the memory lane highlights.
Little Troy Wanna-be ball player
Little Shane Wanna-be ball player
Keith's high school team trying to hurry spring along
Ellen, one of many family catchers
Bryce, practicing for a future catching position
Joey and Keith with coach Dad (who is in his 16 year of coaching) with their team at a Woodchucks game. Keith is sporting the stylish red shorts and Joey is immediately behind him and to his right. Those wide, flat-billed hats are coming back.
Joey, our sole south paw pitching.
Troy and his glove were inseparable
Chet, flanked by high school batboy brothers
Four boys were on one team that year, Keith and Chet as players, Bryce and Owen as batboys.
Dana, our fifth child and fifth left-handed batter. Joey taught them well.
We've decided that the high school coaches look at the last name of our kids on the roster and say, "White, OK, outfield." Perhaps for good reason. Chet showing how it's done.
Shane spent hours in the backyard pitching against the brick shed wall. He and Troy played whole series against that wall.
Lisa had her first practice and team pictures on our Baseball Bash Saturday. She's finally graduated from fan to player.
Another highlight in the lives of the spectators was to run the scoreboard, and they took it seriously!
Chet--most likely stealing home in some unorthodox situation. His favorite challenge was the suicide squeeze. A few younger brothers got in trouble trying to imitate him.
Joey and Owen cheering on Chet's state tournament Little League team.
Going to the state tournament brings the news. My older boys all know this reporter's name and said he's now a big shot sports announcer for .... a Chicago station? I love Troy in this shot. The little brother crowding in to be part of the big brother's success. In his younger days Troy was known for his "gawking"--no better way to learn than to keep your eyes open and pay attention.
Saturday's weather was cool, windy, and rainy--about as miserable as baseball weather can be for old fans and babies. Our high school field added a beautiful facility that has indoor ringside seating with huge windows and heaters for the less weather hardy. We had an indoor picnic and spread our group out between the comfy seats and the outdoor stands. The team won both games, the second win came with a walk-off double, the win being the first time we led in the game. Troy and Shane didn't have their best games but they enjoyed the motivation and cheers from all of the added voices.
We had planned to have a photographer take an outdoor famiy picture after Owen's Little League game, but the cold weather was too much for our little ones and we headed home to try to get a decent picture with my non-professional camera.
Carson was crying, the other babies and Gabe were looking everywhere but the camera, and one of the teens (wonder who that was) keeps claiming he "didn't know that was the real thing".
We resorted to having everyone clap and cheer to amuse the babies and then quickly strike a pose and see what happened.
This was about the best we could do, but with 22 people, empty stomachs, 4 babies, etc. I was pretty satisfied.
We ate, goofed around, and took more pictures.
Keith jr., the big Brewer fan, gathered everyone who was wearing Brewer gear for a photo.
Joey, a rival Cardinal fan, had his own team support.
We managed to get the four babies lined up together. I call this one, "Best used before November 2011". Lord willing we will have 2 more to add to the grandchildren photo then.
While Carson, Keira, and Vince were heading to bed a group gathered around the piano to sing. I didn't take very many pictures because I just wanted to enjoy the time. I did grab the camera and caught about a half a minute of an impromptu acappella song.
Our final activity was a game of telephone pictionary. As we finished the round and each person's stack of papers came back to them we all read through our papers. Joey started to laugh then the laughter turned to shrieks and tears. I didn't have a video camera close by but I recorded the group review of his papers later.
Joey later commented, "I don't remember when I last laughed so hard." Jamie reminded him, "It was when you were home with your family."
There's something about family that lets us "let go" and relax and be comfortable and really laugh. I think maybe my new favorite holiday is going to be whatever our last impromptu gathering was. Thank you to all of you for making it home and being together!
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