SAL-VA-TION: by grace

E-LEV-EN: children from 1984 to 2006

HOME-SCHOOL-ING: since 1990

DOWN-SYN-DROME: susie and gabe

GRAND-CHILD-REN: since 2010

FAITH-FUL-NESS: my steadfast rock, my biggest supporter, my leader, my friend, my love, my husband

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

How "Those Days" Change

Yesterday I had "One of Those Days". It started slow and continued to get bogged down as the day progressed. It wasn't an "everything that could go wrong did go wrong" day. It didn't even compare to this day that I navigated over 3 years ago. It was a day that just kept chipping away at me until my nerves felt exposed. There wasn't even any 'thing' or any 'one' that I could point to as the culprit. It was just a-lot-of-straw-on-the-camel's-back kind of a day.

Keith came home and asked how my day was. I just said it was "A KT Oslin Never Gonna Come Back" kind of a day. I'm not sure where my mind went to dig up that decades old song. I'm not even terribly familiar with the song (I got the title wrong). I just remembered the thought of wanting to run away from everything, but stopping and coming back. I didn't go anywhere but I felt like going.

A successful birthday evening for Shane with a crowd of 15 around the table and a great night sleep later and the KT Oslin song was forgotten.

Until I received a blog comment in my email box this morning. It said,
I would like you to know that your blog brings a smile to my face every week, also a tear.. whether in sadness or in laughter..
Thank you so much for sharing the experiences that many of us probably couldn't handle!
God bless,

My run-away song came flooding back to me as I pondered how well I "handled" the experience of yesterday. It also made me think back on how things have changed over the years and how I've reacted to the changes.

I used to call my bad days "Calgon Days" from the Calgon-take-me-away commercials.

I remember my Calgon Days being the 20+ years ago when I had 2, 3, and 4 children under the age of 5. My poor sister-in-law, Jodi, heard way too much about my Calgon days! I don't dismiss the difficulties of coping with dozens of diapers a day, spills, messes, runny noses, shoe-tying, lots of crying, and no help or conversation. But I didn't see the benefits that came with that time in life. Night time for the children lasted close to 12 hours and they all took a 2-hour nap in the afternooon. Keith and I had hours a day to ourselves. My house was clean--beds made, clutter tended to, laundry done systematically (there was so little of it I hardly remember doing it), dishes kept up with....all daily. And weekly I cleaned everything--floors vacuumed and mopped, bathroom scrubbed, dusting done, even the doorknobs and light switches got disinfected. I routinely kept up with letter writing and sewing projects.

When I had "One of Those Days" it looked a lot different that my current "One of Those Days". Thanks have changed. Laundry is no longer a project to start and complete in a day, it's an ongoing part of life that fits into my daily routine. The floors get mopped when I'm sticking to them or Gabe's feet are dirty just from walking through the house. I cleaned a doorknob a few weeks ago,...somewhere. And I've morphed into not being stressed about any of that. It gets done, it's just spread out among a lot of different people and not nearly so scheduled as it once was. We've lived in our home for over 13 years and I've never had the entire house picked up and clean all at one time. One day I might.

What pushes me to my new edge now is the juggling act, physically and mentally. I still deal with the diaper changes and messes, along with the shoe-tying, runny nose, and crying--but not from several children, I only have one with those "challenges". I now work with--a couple of siblings who think their purpose in life is to correct, admonish, and otherwise destroy the self-confidence of the other. A child who works through weeks of math lessons perfectly then completely blanks on the test. When in the middle of the Algebra 1 book and faced with the problem 4x = 3 1/3 I really struggle with the the comment, "but they don't tell me what x is". I now have schedules to keep, people who know what to do but don't do it, and expectations to meet from those who used to just be satisfied to know I was only as far away as the next room.

And it's not that any of those things are impossible or might not even be humorous on some days. But some days they become part of "One of Those Days".

I looked up KT Oslin's song and learned that it's called, "Hold Me". It's also about the relationship between the husband and wife more than their day to day life. Still, the message is there about wanting to take off, but not doing it, and being willing to pick up and get back at it.

There will probably always be "Those Days". The commitment keeps me going, and not just filling shoes and making a presence (which I admit is kind of what I felt like I was doing yesterday). But I'm committed to draw deeper from the well of Jesus so I can smile and love while getting piled with straws. The straws seem to pile up a lot faster and feel a lot heavier when my countenance is down. In fact, I think most of the straws are actually created by the sour countenance!

So, Kelsey, thanks for the encouragement to keep on "handling" "Those Days".


Anonymous said...

My baby sister called me a few years ago on her 40th birthday, crying. The jist of her sadness was that she had had some notion in her mind from earlier years that when she was 40, life would be easier... she would have 'arrived' and would know all the answers; her house would always be clean and orderly; her marriage would be perfect, as well as her children and she would no longer struggle to get it all done in a day. As her more experienced 'wiser' older sister, I had to be the one to break the news to her that, so far, for me, none of her ideals looked remotely like they would be manifesting in my life anytime soon. She was going to have to carry on with the same pre-40 problems and issues that were still hanging around now that she was 40. By the end of the conversation we were both laughing and agreed that we wouldn't want life any other way, but there are 'those days' that makes us long for a break in the never ending routine. Luckily for those of us for whom this life is just a temporary stopover, we have an eternity to relish perfection....

Kelsey M said...

Cindy.. You're welcome! Only a month too late!
I am blessed every time I stumble upon your blog--I always read just in time.
Thank YOU for the encouragement and letting all of us know that all things are possible (even if it can't be all in one day)!