MEOW!!!

In my long list of things to do today I did not include:

"taking apart 3 levels of a brick retaining wall to rescue a kitten"

Lisa and Mopsy are very glad that I was willing to adjust my schedule.

Gabe update

(I don't know how this looks to you, but it isn't showing any paragraph breaks on my screen--I put them in, so I'm sorry if this looks like one big paragraph!) I have tried to post a few different things in the past weeks, but I can't get onto the "post" page on my home computer. I have a few minutes at the library and want to give an update on Gabe. About 8 weeks ago Gabe had surgery to remove his adenoids. He's been struggling with sleep apnea and breathing problems at night and this was the next step in trying to correct the problem. Gabe and I drove down to Madison on Thursday night for, what I presumed was, a Friday morning surgery. The surgical department was supposed to call me on Thursday to give me the time. I gave them my cell number and told them to only call that phone as I would have to leave fairly early in the afternoon to go to a baseball game along the way and then get checked into the Ronald McDonald House. I had a lot of coordinating to do. Shane had the baseball game and was driving to Madison with me, but then had to get down to Milwaukee for a basketball tournament. Troy was to meet us in Madison (with a car we'd let him take to load up end-of-the year college stuff) and get Shane to Milwaukee. I didn't get a surgery call all day (turns out we had 4 messages on the home phone), called the hospital twice, and finally got a call back from the surgeon's night staff telling me we had a 4 pm surgery. No matter what time of day the surgery is scheduled, the patient can't eat any solid foods after midnight. That was going to be tricky. Gabe doesn't do well with hunger. When he hits his hunger wall he loses it. I don't know if hunger affects him differently than most kids or if he just doesn't know how to deal with it. He can go quite awhile without eating but then comes that wall, and often without warning. I was afraid of a day of fasting. I kept Gabe up until almost midnight and got him to eat at least 2 meals worth of food between 10:15 and 11:00. Thankfully, the Ronald McDonald kitchen was well-stocked and I let him eat anything and everything he wanted. Unfortunately, the late night did not produce a late morning and at 7:00 we headed to game room to play. I kept distracting him when he'd ask for food and we made it to 9:30 without a hitch. We then headed to what turned out to be our 'salvation'--the zoo! Gabe was so enamored with the zoo and the animals and the flowers and the merry-go-round and the train that he never once asked for food. I experienced another "Gabe is growing up" moment at the zoo. He was playing in a playground area and I couldn't see him in the treehouse slide. I walked around the back side to get a better look (later figuring out this was when he slipped out the gate back into the zoo). I watched awhile and then asked a girl to climb up into the top and look for him. No Gabe. I figure he'd been missing for about 10 minutes and had no idea how to find him. I headed for the ticket booth of the merry-go-round and was directed to the ride operator to report a lost child. As I walked around the operator station Gabe came running through the gate and almost ran into me. He had gone to the merry-go-round, gotten on (we got all day wrist band passes), and taken a ride! I told him that it was OK to go anywhere he wanted, that this was his day of fun, but I didn't want to lose him and he had to tell me when he wanted to leave. For the rest of the day he never left an animal, exhibit or area without first coming and holding my hand!!! When we got into the car to head to the hospital he fell fast asleep and didn't wake up until I changed him into his gown just before heading into surgery. (The downside of that was that I had to carry him AND all of our bags down the street and to the surgery area.) Surgery went well and Gabe was alert and READY for food by 7:00. The night was rather uneventful (except that Gabe did not want to sleep there so I didn't sleep much either) and we were given preliminary discharge at 7:30 am! We were gone by 9:30 and headed...back to the zoo. As far as Gabe was concerned we'd taken a weekend trip to the zoo with an inconvenient 18 hour stop at the hospital! The first 3 weeks after surgery were terrible. Gabe felt fine and had no recovery issues at all, but the swelling kept him snoring and/or not breathing (and therefore from sleeping) no matter what position he was in. We all had a rough 3 weeks with very little sleep and a lot of trying to figure out how to help him. The swelling decreased enough after 3 weeks that he could sleep well if he was on his stomach or side and for the last week he hasn't gotten up in the middle of the night at all. We were told we won't know the full story on how his breathing is affected until June or July, but there seems to be a definite improvement at this point. I guess this past year has been make-up for him sleeping through the night his entire infancy. Gabe hit another medical milestone this week that has nothing to do with sleep. He made it through a dental teeth cleaning! I never would have guessed that having a child with Downs would have meant having difficulty at the dentist. But, I've read the reports from others and have seen Gabe refuse to open his mouth for the hygenist. The first time Gabe went to the dentist he just sat in the chair, got a ride up and down, and opened his mouth long enough to let them peek in. That was it. Last year we got a step further and Gabe allowed them to put the little mirror in his mouth and count his teeth. I had visions of having to sedate him just for a cleaning. I took him in this week and gave them the routine that we use to brush his teeth--tell him to open and then count to ten while I brush. At 'ten' he gets to stop, swallow, and open his mouth when he's ready to continue. This helps him feel like he has control of what's happening and he knows there is an end. Well, it worked! We got all 21 teeth cleaned. I think we had to count to ten about ten times but he didn't resist or try to get down. There was one incident that cracked up the hygenist so much it took her awhile to regain composure to go on. Gabe was only managing to count to five on the upper teeth (greater sensitivy on the upper palate). That happens, too, when we brush and I just continue with 6, 7, 8... when he's ready. Instead, Deb said, "We'll start over," and again only got to five. Gabe closed his mouth, looked up at her and said, "Six, seven, eight, nine, ten!"

Kaleb & Stacey

Last Saturday, my nephew Kaleb was married. As is typical in most families, weddings are a chance to see relatives you don't get to see very often. This wedding was no exception. On the White side of the family, four of Kaleb's five aunts/uncles were present as well as 22 of his 32 cousins. This post is for the dozen or so of you who couldn't come as well as the many additional extended family members who would love to have joined us.

The Main Event: The Wedding/Kaleb and Stacey

Stacey, very happily (and quickly!) coming down the aisle with her dad

The wedding party--it was a very dark setting (and I wasn't going to be a distraction with a flash) so the pictures are mediocre to say the least, but at least you have an idea of how it looked

Stacey and Kaleb

The People

Waiting their turn for the photo booth: Brett, Shane, Troy, Owen, Dana, David, and Bryce

Jamie, Grandma, Papa, and Joey with Cameron

Kyle, Keith, and Gabe

Priscilla with Veda and Keesha

Ellen and Bryce

Keesha and Kenny

Keenan and Keith

Aunt Cindy and Marty K

Bryce and Karissa

Katie, Marty, Kelly with Sadie,and Kirk

Jamie and Grandma

Joey with Cameron and Uncle Kenny

Gabe and Chet--I love the family members in the background watching Gabe

Family Portraits

The Towles

The Klevens

The Mathews

If you want to access the photo booth pictures you can go to www.thetravelingphotobooth.com and type in Code Q85GG. Here's an example of what they look like, the guys in the wedding party:

Granddaughter Eva Pearl

I got a call at 10:15 last night, "Hello, is this Nana's Child Care Service?" I said, "Yes, it is," and off I went to spend the night with Vince who had no idea it was time to become a big brother. Keith and Coley left the house at about 11:30 and Keith had me make a guess as to what time the delivery would be. I told him, "No later than 3:00." I got a call at about 3:30. Eva Pearl was born at 2:50 (April 27th), weighed 8 pounds and was 20 inches long. Vince was happy to see Nana when he woke up and his first words were, "Nana play cars?" Apparently, early morning play time is not Vince's normal routine, but it's what he does with Nana. We played a little, read some books, got dressed, and went to meet his new sister. He wasn't too sure about what was happening and was not too interested in this new baby. It was a pretty unusual development for our little thinker and he was definitely going to need some time to process everything.

Eva doesn't look at all like her brother. Having two children who look very different is usually surprising to parents. You just expect your kids to look similar. I remember, after having Joey, thinking that our next child would look just like him because that's just what "we made". Vince has his Daddy's eyes and expressions, but he sure looks like Nicole's baby pictures. Eva is already being said to look a lot like her Daddy and some of his siblings. I have to agree.

I loved seeing her gaze so intently at her Mama!

The scratches on her face were inevitable. Can you believe the thumb nail?! I didn't see it, but believe Coley when she said her toe nails are just as long.

My mom, Grandma J, would have loved to meet this little girl, and know her name. She had a very beloved aunt named Eva who loved her like a mother after she lost her own. I think I'll just have to do my best to give this little Eva enough love for both of them.

Tag-team parenting

Part of being an effective parenting team is knowing the limits of your spouse. It was a wise husband yesterday who said to his son,

"Here, let me help you. Your mom has had enough of you today."

I'm so glad that husband is mine!

Grandchildren Update

I have this picture set as the background on my computer and seeing it reminded me that I didn't post our December group photo. They're tired, battling colds, and somewhat confused by all of the parents clapping hands and snapping fingers trying to get them to smile! At least everyone has their eyes opens and nobody's crying.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of six of my seven cuties (photos of Cameron coming up next month)!

Carson--the eyes say it all, mischief, trouble, and plotting for action! You can just tell there is an endless well of energy simmering below the surface of this rambunctious little guy. He runs and throws and jumps and moves on to the next things before you've figured out where he's just been. This is exactly how I remember many little "White boys"!


Keira--she kept patiently sweeping her tongue back and forth trying to eat this ice cream as if she wasn't quite sure if really had it or not. Keira completely stole my heart (as if she hadn't already) in December when she followed me around with hands up saying, "Nana, up?" with quiet persistence and patience. It paid off, we skipped cookie baking in exchange for Keira-holding and book-reading.

Vince--the boys give it away with the eyes. Vince's piercing brown eyes are contemplating, calculating, and just figuring it all out. He just delights me with his huge grin and gleeful "Nana!" whenever he sees me walking up to his house through the window. I swear this guy has some secret intuition and knows when I'm coming.

Karissa--lively, spunky, persistent and joyful. She has the same sing-song-ey, cracking voice that her Mama had as a toddler. I hadn't even remembered Ellen's being like that until I heard Karissa in a cute little video spelling home--"H--O--M--E....home!" Add to that her favorite answer of "Yep" and we just can't help laughing.

Sadie--easy, content, and scheduled. I don't remember "schedule" being part of my vocabulary with my babies before they were 6 months old. But Sadie knows just what she needs and when; and, as long as Mom obliges everything is fine. She likes bolting her meals, going to bed early, and getting rocked by her Daddy.

Veda--bright-eyed, cheerful, and eager to go. Veda likes a frequent change of scenery both with places and people. She wants little to do with a schedule because you never know when something unexpected might happen that you don't want to miss! Veda loves attention, ceiling fans, and her Daddy.


I just love having three of these little ones close by and really, really can't wait to spend some time with the others in the coming weeks!

My National Downs Syndrome Day Experiences

I'm a few days late, but since most of you have never heard of National Downs Syndrome Day I didn't think it mattered. (I guess I'm not really up on it either, it's called World Down Syndrome Day--oops.) The date was March 21, or 3-21, which is a numerical likeness of the scientific name for ds, Trisomy 21. It literally means a triplicate of the 21st chromosome. We normally receive one of each of 23 chromosomes from each parent, giving us 23 pairs, or 46 chromosomes. Someone with a trisomy has an extra chromosome. The most common trisomy is is T-21, or Downs Syndrome. It is the most common because it is the most "survivable". The 21st chromosome is the shortest, containing the least amount of genetic information. Having an extra chromosome inevitably messes up the genetic balance in a system and the more genetic material on that chromosome the greater the damage. Therefore, having a triplicate of any other chromosome results in a much higher incidence of biological disturbances which more often leads to pre-born death in the form of miscarriage or still birth.

I hadn't intended to give a science lesson, but I guess I just did. Perhaps because some of my own children weren't aware of some of these basic facts that have so directly impacted our own family. What I really set out to do was share a few recent stories on the blessings and trials we receive from others as the world relates to Gabe.

First, the trial. Last Saturday we were out playing at the park with our grandson on his birthday. The older boys and Keith were playing on the outdoor basketball court while I watched Gabe, Vince, and Lisa at the playground. A young boy (about 7 or 8) was playing with the kids and asked Lisa if "that boy" (Gabe) was her brother. She told him that he was and the boy nonchalantly claimed, "He goes to my school and I always laugh at him." Lisa was caught off guard and responded with, "What?" The boy, again, very matter-of-factly told her that "all the kids in my class laugh and make fun of him". Lisa was stunned and asked him, "But why would you do that?" His response was, "Because he looks stupid."

I guess I knew this was coming and that Gabe would be the target of teasing at some point. I just didn't quite expect it yet. Lisa was so very sad about it. She couldn't understand why anyone would want to tease or make fun of Gabe. She told me, "I don't get it, Gabe looks just like anyone else." I love how her heart sees.

I'm not upset with the little boy, I don't claim that his parent must have taught him to tease others, I don't think he's part of an evil pact of children out to bully and make life difficult for those who are different than the norm. He's just a typical kid working out the way he sees life in a typical kid fashion. He could have been my kid. Kids have their own ways of figuring out life and coming to conclusions about good/bad, right/wrong, normal/abnormal, acceptable/unacceptable, and even stupid/smart. Some of them do better at it than others. Of course, some of them are influenced by parents or friends, but I'm just not jumping to conclusions about this particular boy.

My response to this situation was to talk to the staff at Gabe's school about the incident. I spoke with his teachers and aides who directed me to the school guidance counselor. I made it clear that I did not want this little boy "punished". Instead, I gave them some ideas on how to help educate students to be more understanding and compassionate towards kids with disabilities--something that, ironically, was next on the school agenda for the guidance counselor. (And, no, I don't believe this was just an ironic coincidence.)

As logical and unfeeling as I tried to be in the whole thing, my heart broke a little bit for my son. Maybe it broke a little more for me and for Lisa because, at this point, Gabe doesn't feel bad about it at all. I just know that at some point he will, and I just hate that for him.

Now, the blessing. Two days ago, on 3-21, I was at another park in town pushing a swing next to a young mom who asked if I was Gabe's mom. When I told her I was she said that her daughter, Ava, was Gabe's reading buddy. I knew that Gabe's class was paired up with first grade reading buddies and that his was a girl named Ava but I didn't know any more. Ava's mom went on to tell a beautiful story.

Ava was actually assigned to 2 students as a reading buddy and she read to both Gabe and her own little brother together. Gabe's class was split into two smaller groups a few months ago and the teacher approached Ava and told her she was going to have to just pick one of the boys for whom to be a reading buddy.

Here is Ava's response as told to me by Ava's mom:

Mrs. V____, I know that I should probably stay with my brother, because he's my brother, and I really don't want to hurt his feelings but I want to stay with Gabe. You see, I have a cousin Luke who has Down syndrome and I know how he needs a little more special attention and patience. So, I know how to be more patient with Gabe than most of the other kids and I really want him to have a reading buddy who will be patient with him.

Ava had her teacher in tears and when the teacher told her mom she had her in tears and I find myself welling up with tears as I pass the story on again.

Little Ava is only 6, but she reminded me that Gabe will not only have ridicule and teasing to look forward to as he grows, but he will have understanding, compassionate, patient people like Ava to soften some of the blows.

God put me in the paths of two very different Gabe experiences to make this National Downs Syndrome Day a very educational, poignant, and memorable one for me.