SAL-VA-TION: by grace

E-LEV-EN: children from 1984 to 2006

HOME-SCHOOL-ING: since 1990

DOWN-SYN-DROME: susie and gabe

GRAND-CHILD-REN: since 2010

FAITH-FUL-NESS: my steadfast rock, my biggest supporter, my leader, my friend, my love, my husband

Monday, January 5, 2009

I Am a Rock

Having two AFS students living in our home causes me to frequently reflect back on my own AFS experience twenty-eight years ago. That's a good thing, because I find that reflecting on my more youthful thoughts and experiences always helps me to understand and relate to my children a bit more effectively than I would otherwise. But, I also find that some of those thoughts, feelings, and ideas repeat themselves and run through my own mind and heart today. However, there is a difference in my response to those thoughts, due to the experience, wisdom, and additional information that I have acquired for dealing with it.

And that brings me to “the rock”. While in England twenty-eight years ago I became a bit of a Simon and Garfunkel fan. I was drawn to the simple musical style and harmonies of their songs as well as to the words of a few of them—especially “Homeward Bound” (for obvious reasons) and “I Am a Rock”. I used to think that I connected with that song because of the isolation that I often felt as the foreigner. I was always the “different” one who stuck out, I thought of myself as “a rock”—isolated, independent, stoic, strong (or so I liked to think).

A few weeks ago I heard that song again....

A winter’s day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window
To the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow

I am a rock
I am an island....

I was feeling lonely and sad, I felt overworked and overlooked, and I reconnected strongly with the sentiments of that song. But, time, experience, maturity, and faith in Christ later gave me some very new insights into my connection with it.

That evening I was walking outside and I looked up at the bright, full moon shining down on me. I love the winter nights when the moonlight on the snow is so bright that you can 'see in the dark', even without the sun. Then I reminded myself, the moon was not shining, it was reflecting the light of the sun.

And then I considered that, as a child of God, I am to be doing the same thing—reflecting the light of the Son. My life is to be aligned so that I fully reflect His light on the world around me. I am not to seek glory for myself so that I come between the Son and the world, eclipsing His light but I am to be perfectly positioned to be the reflector of His glory for those in darkness who cannot see His light.

I prayed, “God, let me be a moon.” I lost all thoughts of loneliness, sorrow, and self-pity as I thought about the Son and my calling to be used of Him.

Like the moon I have no light of my own.
Like the moon I receive light and warmth from the sun/Son.
Like the moon I gain nothing from this world, I only give.
Like the moon, I am a rock.


Daniel said...

that reminds me of [another] song. :-)

"without You I'm a cold dark stone..."

Keithslady said...

Wow, thank you! I think I have a new favorite song!

Dana said...

wow, that was a really, really good thought! Thanks Mom!

Ellen said...

Mom, I really enjoyed reading this post. Thank you for taking time to share these very personal moments. I wish I could just have a 1-3 a.m. session with you. I do miss those :) But hey, maybe that means you'll get to bed a little earlier? I love you.